B is for Boring... just kidding!

Well, almost.

Cars are bretty boring, really. They get you from A to B. They are merely transport. Unfortunately they are so personal and such good fun that they have ingratiated themselves (and their pollution, their community-ripping roads and their injuring mayhem) into our 'modern' lives. They allow us to live further away from the dirt and dust of our cities, yet take advantage of the city when and whenever we wish; they allow us to carry heavier loads than we could on a bus, a tram or a bike; they are even a socialising force - we can give helpful lifts to friends or total strangers. Damn it, they have empowered us!

And robbed us of the exercise of walking. Maybe not boring, but certainly not 100% positive either!

One factor in our love of cars is status. Which brings me to B for BMW. It's a fabulous company, a terrific brand. Not as old as some, thinking Daimler Benz and Alfa Romeo, nevertheless a company with a varied past and some decent history. Even the propellor on the badgework is pretty cool. And some terrific cars, long, long ago.

So they still screw together very nice cars with - lately - distinctive styling. Well put together. Top quality. Lots of excess horsepower at the top end of the range. Pricey. But character? Charm? Or mostly just resale value? Why buy one?

Why indeed? The Z-series open top sports look classy and go well in that buked-up Miata kinda way. The big, perhaps too-big sedans, either hotted up as "M-series" or - worse - a tad underpowered are just a classier Ford or GM equivalent. Practical people movers. But well made. Good resale. German. A road less travelled. Not as greyed and aged as a Merc. Still boring though!

Ahhh, but they are rear drive! Bulk horsepower, push-propelled and stiff in the suspension, just like a sports saloon should be... I suppose. I guess I'm not convinced most people even know what all this means. Still, it's a differentiator. It makes for added weight and poorer packaging, plus worse fuel economy. Not the differentiator I'd want, but perhaps enough of a difference to swing some buyers (and certainly most motoring hacks).

And then we have the 1-series. And the enormous bloated 4wds. Vomit comets come to mind, but they have their place on farms, dirt roads and and away from the 'burbs. Alas they are used more often as bloated status objects because (a) they are still more expensive than most people want to spend on a mere transport device and (b) some people can lease 'em and run 'em at company-cost. So we are back to admiring the beauty and style of the accountant rather than the vehicle. Oh well, keeps the factory running.

Let's evaluate the brand more closely. BMW stands for cool post-war cars, hot-shot over-the-top horsepower in faily plain if well made bodywork and somewhat long-term successful touring car racing; it's also one of 3 German-owned brands that stand for Quality, Reliability and Resale Value. Generally we'd guess Bimmer to be 2nd to Benz, with Audi trailing in 3rd in that quick assessment.

In essence they are solid cars with a bit of technical flair, renowned as rear-drive 'driver's cars' yet mostly driven in traffic-jammed cities by affluent well-heeled middle execs, or their wives. They are aspirational buyers, very slighty less conservative and a tad younger than a Benz owner. And they can afford to write the cost off against some other income. You wouldn't buy or lease one unless you could save a buck somewhere, surely? Unless money's no object?

The range offered is ever-growing. From small to large, including shockingly big 4-wheel-driven monsters. It's hard to see a MINI owner aspiring to one of the lard-arsed 4wds, which explains the absence of Bimmer branding at that lower end. But how does a step-up-from-MINI 1-series owner rationalise the environmental non-values behind some of the brand's range? Do they go into denial, or haven't they noticed - yet?

Anyway, not to dent the brand at all, it's obvious enough on the streets that Bee-Emms can be hotted up, slammed and be-winged just like any other car. Just like a Japanese or Korean brand, actually. In fact as the quality circle turns one wonders what will prop up the Bimmer brand value as it stretches ever wider.

They are doing very nicely right now, but if quality continues to level out (and one may posit that this has happened already) and if quirky styling cues become passe, wherefore goeth the brand? Down? What if the ever-broadening model range actually cheapens the brand? Will MINI be a model for a new beginning or the beginning of the end? Should they be a niche player or continue to match Benz at every turn? Too many questions!

I'd guess they are really stretching things. They won't be able to sustain model development long term, so they'll stumble at one end or the other, once or twice. It will snowball. Cheaper competitors will grow some unexpected cachet and nibble at the weak spots in the Bimmer marketshare. As their market share erodes they'll find themselves fighting fires they can't extinguish and contract back to core competencies; or suffer some sad fate like going public and selling out. Just my view.

Stand clear! Prop turning!